Pastoral ministry will always be challenging and demanding work. Pastors, like all people, need wisdom, encouragement, and reminders of what is important. In a room full of fellow pastors and church leaders, Alistair Begg offers all of this and more, addressing such topics as physical health, Christ-centered preaching, social unrest, and other trials. At the 36:12 mark in the video below, Alistair begins answering this question: How have you handled criticism in ministry, and what advice do you have for others?
Transcript (Starting at 36:12)
In my younger years, not very well. Actually, that’s a little generous. I think, you know—well, let’s leave the younger years for a minute. Let’s come up to now. I find myself saying to people who know me, “I don’t know whether, if there is any mellowing in response to those kind of things, it is a product of grace or it is just a product of aging.” You know, you’re kind of like, “Hey,” you know, “I’ve seen it all.” We don’t want it to be that. We want it to be that Colossians is actually at work in our lives: that we’re becoming more mature.
How do we handle it? Well, first of all, the source of the criticism really matters. I mean, I get tons—we get tons of letters now that come from who knows where because of the radio program. There’s a difference between seeking to handle that and dealing with a justifiable criticism that comes from somebody in the congregation. And so first of all, we want to say, “Given the source of it, is there validity to this? Is there something that is a blind spot for me that I need to acknowledge? You know, what do I do with this?”
I don’t find it easy to handle it on my own. And again, that’s where team comes into play. It’s hard to deal with things like that on your own, I have found. But if you’ve got somebody you can go to, like—I mean, I can think of an instance now. I won’t quote it. But I went to one of the younger guys on the team, and I said, “Hey, what do you think about this? Read this letter. Tell me what you think should be done with this.” And I’m not asking that for just the sake of something to do. I’m actually looking for help from, you know, my colleague.
And, you know, where there is something that needs to be addressed, then let’s address it. Let’s be prepared… If somebody gives you a big, long thing, you know, I never, ever write back like for like. I never say, “Referring to point one, you’re full of nonsense. Point two, yeah, you’re also full of nonsense”—you know, that kind of thing. No. Sometimes I say, “Dear X: Thank you for being prepared to take the time to address this issue.” Sometimes I will say, “I must confess that I share your concern, but I do not share your conclusion, and that is why I have acted in the way that I have. I’d be glad to talk with you about this.” Answering, you know, sometimes wrathful things in a quiet way defuses them. And where there is…
And also, I find it far better to do it in proximity to the person than to get in a dialogue. And I’m certainly not getting into it in emails and all that stuff now. I don’t do any of that at all. And I wouldn’t advise doing that—I mean, the paper trails that are created through these emails that you don’t even know where the start was or where the end was, and people will keep it going forever. I’d rather just sit down with somebody and say, “You know, frankly, I get it. I was wrong. I’m sorry.” Or, “Let me explain to you why I did. Is that helpful?” But just treating people with courtesy and respect and recognizing that the wounds of our friends are faithful wounds.
Learn from criticism, seek the counsel of your friends around you, don’t be immediately defensive, and tell your wife only as necessary.
But there are the Tobiahs and the Geshems out there as well, you know. Nehemiah was taking it in the neck because of the unholy trinity that came against him and, as I was sharing with the guys this afternoon, you know, when they said, “You know, you’re just trying to make yourself a hero. You’re trying to make yourself the king. We know exactly what you’re trying to do.”
I actually came across a letter… And here’s another thing I’ll give you as advice: Don’t keep those letters. Don’t keep them. Learn from them and ditch them. Do not keep them. God has given me a wonderful forgettery for stuff like that that has come my way over the years. And I have had a pretty good memory over the years. But I can meet people now in the grocery store, and I don’t know what it was they wrote to me or said to me, but I don’t even know what it was, because I’ve never labored over it. It’s not because I’ve been dismissive over it, but I commit my cause to him who judges justly and keep moving.
But I found a letter because I had some time on my hands, and I was going through some boxes. And I found a letter that had been written to me in my previous church. It was anonymous. And it says, essentially, “This church used to be a good church until it became the Alistair Begg Club. Instead of our church just enjoying the benefits that we have, there are people coming from all over the place in order to come here. This must stop.” And so it went on and on and on. Well, I was unable to reply to it, and I don’t know for the life of me why I still have that letter, because I’ve had hundreds of those letters, and that’s the only one I found.
Learn from it, seek the counsel of your friends around you, don’t be immediately defensive, and tell your wife only as necessary. No, I mean that seriously. You don’t have to bring your wife into the Third World War with you. If it’s helpful to you and helpful to her, good. If it’s questionable, I suggest just leave it alone.
